I can tell I'm a bit disconnected from my sense of self these days. I'm really tired. I think the stress of looking for work, making plans to move, long 5 hour drives, and working at a psychiatric hospital is catching up with me. I'm not getting enough nourishing time. In recent conversations with friends I've been struggling to communicate clearly, fumbling over words and making vague disconnected statements. I feel like I'm also not saying what I really mean, I don't trust my voice when I feel like this, so I tend to just keep everything neutral and agreeable. It just feels blah. I don't like it, because I know it isn't me. I need to rejuvenate, and I know rest is a big part of that. It's 9pm and I'm already in bed. I want to feel good again. Alive and healthy. I haven't worked out in a few days, and that always throws me off. Time to get running....
Big changes on the horizon. Trying to trust it.
Soundtrack: Nick Drake, Pink Moon
There's a few "comfort phrases" that I live my life by. One of them, I came up with on my own:
ReplyDelete"Things will work out. Why? Because they always do."
That unexplainable pull that Bishop has on you will be explained. Perhaps not spelled out in a logical "insert Tab A into Slot B" fashion, but one day something will click and that unexplainable feeling will translate into a satisfying peace.
You're paddling out into an ocean that you don't know. You are learning to read the waves. You'll have some great rides. You might get dragged through the washing machine a few times. But at the end of the day, when you put your feet back onto the sandy beach, the sun will be setting and you will full.